Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
