I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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