I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
