his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
