you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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