my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
