Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
