I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
