Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
