ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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