Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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