if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize