I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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