Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
