Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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