Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
