I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
