ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
only if we run a train.
done.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
