Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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