i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
