Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
