sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
