I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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