I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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