i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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