The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
