not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
as a side note pls kill me
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