Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
