I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
