false alarm. still invincible.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
