Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
