Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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