My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
