I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
