you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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