I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
