i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
