i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
