She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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