Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
