thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dick very happy bro
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
