she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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