and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize