i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
