Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
