omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
