I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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