My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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