I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
