I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
