He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
