But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
