my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
