He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
