im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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