I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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