Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
